Scar

The scar starts hurting while it is also in recovery.It is felt that its recovery continues absorbing energy from everywhere and even a full sleep cannot satisfy it.For the first time, I can tell the exact process of the recovery from the wound.
It is said that the experience in childhood actually determines the characteristics and the future of a person.As most of others, I used to doubt about this and believe that my future effort can definitely change it and the unknown experience in the future will also contribute to the person I will be. But gradually, I start believing that it is the truth. Because when looking back to the memory of my childhood, I suddenly can explain those recent feelings and reactions that cannot be explained based on the situations themselves. I think I should admit that all effort I am making is just helping me to appear better, give the world better impression and be less honest to myself.
In addition, prejudice is everywhere. It was already rooted there while everyone was growing up and it will never be removed. In the physical world, effort and actual achievement make sense. But subjectively, no one really accepts any changes made by others in their own lives. It is just found that no matter how much effort you made and how much responsibility you have taken, it doesn’t change anything. Years later, the same prejudice is found again in the same situation. By the moment it is met, you know you are just too naive. Not innocent, but just naive.No fight is needed, because it has been proved not working.But you can tell.
As time goes by, I clearly see myself keeping growing up, being stronger and start shining as I wish to be. I still remember Dr. Buch said she always fights to be the best. It feels good, I can tell. But meanwhile, outstanding performance and ability is also an excuse to be blamed, depressed and isolated to some extent. Is this just what fairness is called? Maybe it is. Because prejudice, lies, superficial and full of hierarchy fit those weakness, welcome of girlish, selfish or unaware of responsibility, and laziness perfectly. There is no future for further growing up and self-stimulation.
It is said that to keep living as you wish. otherwise eventually all the thoughts, dreams and wishes will turn to fit what living looks like. Since no one else is responsible for your own life, neither any of your mistakes resulting the life you don’t want, there is no excuse to pay for the pain. So, even my strength will continuously be the reason of being blamed and gaining unfairness, I still like to fight for my life, to be as excellent as possible. Keeping learning and improving is always enjoyable. As far as I reach the next height, I know all the other doesn’t matter anymore. But eventually, all I get will be my treasure that won’t get lost. And as soon as I am spiritually rich enough, I then have the ability to love, to give and to forgive. And only in that situation will I know that my growth and enrichment won’t be hindered or stolen by anyone else.
The weather in KC is pretty good these days. And the quietness is fabulous. I think I just need time to digest all these and admit the instant powerless. But finally I will be back to who I should be, I know that. If I was born to be strong and fight alone for my future, I have already been familiar with it. How many those fabricated accusation would be, more or less, doesn’t matter.
Scar will be there anyway. Even the pain eventually goes, it will remind me of all these. That’s the truth. And I am still on my way.

P.S.,I was actually shocked by Job’s death. No matter how many people actually hate him and no matter how much the Apple corporation gained, I believe he is still genius. And eventually, the inspiration always comes from spiritual world but not the physical world. And the way of thinking defines how much the achievement can be. It fits all the successful people in every field. That’s where I can learn and stimulated, definitely.

Advertisement